| Resolving Anger, Pain, Fear and Stress |
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From the Introduction to Roy Masters' book How to Conquer Negative Emotions
Cruel people have power; they get their energy from
you through the way you respond to them. Hypocrites
have the same wickedness operating through a deceptive
shield of phony innocence. It, too, gets inside you by the
way you react to it.
Your life is in danger from people, some of whom
could even be members of your own family, who chip
away, harp, nag and aggravate the life out of you until you
feel like killing them or yourself. YOU CANNOT FIGHT THEM
WITH RESENTMENT, because they use your resentment to drive
you crazy, to make you conform, to bring out the worst in
you and terrify you into not facing them and their kind.
Take heart. There is not one single problem in the
world that you cannot solve if you will learn to stop being
resentful toward people.
You are indeed the sum total of your experiences, but another way of saying this is that you are burdened by
your past. Unless you learn how to respond properly in the
present, you will continue to let the ugly world get inside
you and build on that past. And without self-control, that
is the only kind of future you have.
Respond wrongly to pressure just one time—and what
aggravates you has got you. Your mind and body must go
on responding slavishly until you find the Truth that makes
you free.
You are not alone in your dilemma. The wrong emotional
response to all sorts of pressure is currently making
everyone sick and depressed and driving all of us into conflict
with ourselves. To solve the pressure-caused conflicts,
people turn to drink, tobacco and drugs, legal or illegal.
Look at it this way: your reactions, being compulsive,
have become a subtle form of obedience, and emotional
obedience is really a form of slavery. Behind the cruel
and relentless pressures that zealous people apply to you
(sometimes in the name of good) is a selfish motive that
compels you to be like it and to go along with it—to sin,
in other words. Because it has upset you, you are out of control
and not living your own life. No wonder you feel guilty
and depressed.
Because no one has cared enough to teach you how not
to respond, and because you have not yet discovered this
vital secret, life now seems meaningless, hopeless, and
depressing. You have worried, but worrying has made
matters worse.
All your sexual, family, and business problems arise
directly from your failing to respond in a right way to what
is wrong and, it might be added, making everyone respond
wrongly to you when you have been upset. Conflict with
yourself becomes conflict with others as you take it out
on them.
Most of the things that are wrong with your life—your
marriage, your health, your children—can be straightened
out very easily by discovering how to conquer your negative
emotions.
Your emotional upsets have made you feel guilty. Even
though you might have been technically correct in what you
said or did, if you did it resentfully, your emotions confused
you, and when you began to doubt yourself, you experienced
conflict, depression and fear.
Resentment destroyed your objectivity, and, failing to
see clearly, you made terrible errors of judgment. These, in
turn, led to a fear of making decisions, so that perhaps you
began to lean too much on others for guidance, and you
know how upsetting it can be if those others happen to be
wrong or take advantage of you.
You must learn how to be patient with cruel and
thoughtless people.You must learn to be poised and calm;
otherwise, what is wrong in them shows up in you and makes
you look like the bad guy. Everyone then becomes so fascinated
with what went wrong with you that they fail to see
what they did wrong to you, and that experience is upsetting,
frustrating and scary.
Cruel, unthinking people feed off the way you respond
to their needling; they walk away self-righteous and satisfied,
leaving you frustrated, confused, revengeful and
depressed. They get their power from your reaction, while your resentment often makes you feel like the guilty one.
“Successful,” domineering, unprincipled people lord it over
you, drain you and make your life wretched; BUT THEY ARE
ALWAYS SURE OF GETTING TO YOU THROUGH YOUR REACTIONS.
The dehumanizing pressure to achieve and to study is
changing people into animals, animals out of control, in
mortal conflict with other animals.
Of course, we all respond to pressure, but that response is
what is wrong with us.
Upsetting you is the key to motivating you; it is the
hidden reason behind all of your suffering.
Manipulating and winning through intimidation is a
common practice among all corrupters: tyrants, high pressure
salesmen, successful businessmen, and the like.
No doubt you have your own private dictator currently
aggravating the life out of you.
Only through the shock of emotional upset can a
compelling or morbid suggestion be planted in your mind,
and this is especially true when you are resentful. If it
doesn't’t cause wild and senseless rebellion, you find yourself
obliged to give in, to ease the pain that the pressure of
wrong resistance causes.
Giving in to tyrants and zealots who make the pain of
your upsets unbearable is a common but unhealthy form
of love, loyalty, and closeness between husband and wife,
mother and child, and between churches and their believers.
(It is also the way you lose your identity.) It is hard to say
no to pushy, irritating people.You tend to favor people who
apply pressure: your boss, your wife, and your kids. Then the
breaking point is reached; there is rebellion against work and
study; debilitating disease and nervous breakdown take
their deadly toll.
Being upset is your weakness—your Achilles heel. All
heartless, cruel, power-hungry, unprincipled people inherit
the know-how to make your slavish emotional responses
work for them, and they have no qualms about casting
you aside after you are spent and broken.
The world is dominated by tyrants, tempters, and
psychopaths. Some of them get to you through cruelty, while
other types manipulate you with a holier-than-thou, irritating
“kindness.” They might use both methods to confuse you,
upsetting you one moment and being “kind” to you the next.
Their bold, unprincipled manner upsets you and makes you
feel guilty; then, by suddenly changing roles and becoming
“nice,” they intensify your guilt feelings and make you
doubt yourself. In that manner you are made to believe that
they were right all along and that you were wrong. And so
you learn to go along with their wishes; you find yourself
doing things you would never have done in your right
mind, and that upsets you all over again. This vicious cycle,
with a built-in upset, repeats itself endlessly, until you feel
like killing them or yourself.
Irritating people are really victims themselves; they
tempt you in order to retrieve something they have lost to
those who aggravated the life out of them. By needling you,
they drain you of your vital energy, and with this power they
torment you again and again. As you become a parent, you
find their identity welling up inside you, yelling and screaming
at your own kids, unwittingly destroying them with the
same projection techniques of aggravation that your parents
and other pushy people once used against you.
We may be legally free, but emotionally and morally
we are still in the Dark Ages. We all live under an emotional
feudal system of slaves and tyrants. It is a devilish, military
chain of command, where everyone who responds and becomes
a slave also lords it over a slave.
Cruelty rules the roost. A subtle, god-eat-dog emotional
pecking order of pressure is everywhere: at home, school,
and at work. Everyone feels the meaninglessness, the futility
of it all. THIS IS THE MAIN REASON FOR ALCOHOLISM,
DRUG ADDICTION, CRIME, DEPRESSION, NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
AND A MULTITUDE OF DISEASES.
One of two things always happens to you under pressure:
You become upset and blow up—but rarely at the
person who upsets you, because you don’t have the guts—
or you give in.You might even “fall in love” with someone
you resent, or champion the cause of your corrupter, especially
if the pressure is religious or political. All manipulators
know that your capitulation is simply a means of
relieving pressure as well as a way of making up for guilt you
feel for being upset with them. But from your point of view,
it might seem as though your changed behavior has somehow
affected that cruel person’s attitude for the good,
compelling him to reward you with approval and appreciation
and love. For a while it could seem as though you have
a marvelous power to control and redeem evil people. If that
is your delusion, you find yourself addicted to selling yourself
down the river to keep peace and control various
situations.All manipulators carefully cultivate this behavior.
This is how wicked people use you and get ahead, because
in reality all they are doing is rewarding you for being
unreasonable and for serving their bizarre purposes.
Once you have been conditioned to give in to pressure,
you could begin seeing that way of life as evidence of your
divine goodness. And if you don’t become a tempter yourself,
you develop a knack for spoiling people, compelling
them to make the kind of demands that become the pressure
you need to give in, to be reminded of, and to be rewarded
for what you have come to think of as goodness, and for your
imagined power to make naughty people right and happy.
So when you don’t have a motivator, you create one—
your child perhaps?
Creating your own tyrants in the form of spoiling your
children is the cause of juvenile delinquency and crime. It
is why you parents become frightened of and submissive to
your violent brats. The worse they get the better you look
compared with them, and the more you are compelled to
be good to them, believing that your only error is not being
good enough to them. That is why bad children come from
what appear to be good homes. It is also why we often see
nice, gentle, kindly people living under the tyranny of a dictator.
Their natural goodness is merely weakness, born out
of a need to be submissive to realize their goodness.
As soon as everyone’s demands grow so great that
you become drained of energy, and when you discover that
you have nothing left to give, to be “loved” for, you start
blaming and being secretly resentful, and that leads to
nervous breakdown and mental illness.
Man was never designed to be externally motivated,
as animals, but because of a little understood weakness, we
are. This is the main reason why we all have paralyzing
conflicts, anxieties, and fears; that is the basis of all our
problems, right there. UNTIL YOU DISCOVER THE SECRET OF
TURNING YOURSELF ON FROM WHAT YOU REALIZE IS RIGHT DEEP
DOWN IN YOUR HEART, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AN EXTERNALIZED
ZOMBIE, COMPELLED TO ACT AGAINST YOUR OWN BETTER
JUDGMENT, HURTING PEOPLE YOU LOVE AND DOING THINGS YOU
ARE SORRY FOR.
Being upset is a conditioned reflex; it is an inferior way
of reacting to pressure. That is why you feel inferior, helpless,
angry, and it is also why you are so compulsive in the
way you are forced to relieve the pain of tension built up
by those pressures; it is another reason why you hurt the ones
you love.
“Be Still & Know”
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But what if you could learn to look injustice straight
in the eye without flinching, without being upset, calmly
and with endless patience? Surely you would not have the
problems that arise from repressing or expressing resentment.
This then, is the aim of the book HOW TO CONQUER
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, to show you the secret principle
of patience and self-control.
I know what you want. You want relief from your
nervous tension and guilt feelings. You want solutions to your
sex problems and family problems. You want to stop smoking,
drinking and overeating; you want happiness. But you
will never find what you are seeking until you discover the
hidden cause, AND THAT CAUSE IS ALLOWING PEOPLE TO
UPSET YOU TOO EASILY.
Emotional self-control is the key you are seeking.
Without it, you will always be in conflict with yourself. If
you are ever to be free of guilt and fear, you must learn the
secret of responding in a right way to what is wrong with
people and the world.
Your main line of defense (and attack) is to stay calm
and patient. So, seeing you unmoved, the motivator himself
becomes upset and panics. Learn how to put up an
impenetrable, invisible force shield of patience that lets
the good come through and prevents the ugly world from
getting in and growing up inside you.
Roy Masters writes about one simple principle that
will KEEP YOU SAFE UNDER ALL CONDITIONS OF STRESS AND
PERSECUTIONS. You will marvel at how easy it is to say “no,”
to over-power and to disarm pushy individuals. Surely,
Roy Masters has nothing less to offer you than the secret
to life itself.
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