A legacy of degradation brings misfortune in two ways. Resentment opens the door of the unconscious and transfers you to the identity of the abuser. This empowers that person with your life force at the very same moment.

There is a twofold guilt here, one for serving the tyrant, the other for becoming like them. Family strife slowly but surely transforms you into a changeling. At first you become a cringing, pleasing clone-servant of your oppressor.

No matter how much you try, it is impossible to placate bullies. They advance their cause only through intimidation and, hence, your guilt. Therefore, the simmering, loathing love toward them intensifies into all the agonies of conscience.

The only other alternative is to repress your anger and take it out at some opportune time, which becomes the other guilt. By taking your frustration out on the innocent, you are again heaping guilt because the rush of power is identical to what you gave up to your own oppressor.

Feeding their identity within, you realize that slowly but surely, you are turning into what you feared you might become. You have tried to stay ahead of that imperfection through mere outward appearances, serving all the wrong people, even the wrong in the good ones.

There is only one reason why you hold on to hate. It is because resentment has become a way of life. Hate in now an essential ingredient to an existence based on the only kind of love you have ever known or perhaps ever want to know.

If you were to not act out this fake love and receive approval, it would expose a pain of intolerable guilt. To love and expect love in return is everyone’s insatiable need, even if it is from a tyrant. 

The servility of a certain kindness nurtures the beast of contempt in everyone, including your family. You might argue that adoring families are not tyrants, but they are. You make them so, because spoiling makes them do less for themselves. This frustrates you into doing more for them.

You can break the vicious cycle only by giving up the frustration of resentment. If this failing love is derived solely from the guilt of hate, then it becomes necessary to keep on hating in order to go on loving. If this is true, then you must face this painful fact and not resent seeing it.

Then you will be free. Again, if the only way that you can love is out of resentment, then such love will always need resentment in order for you to go on deceiving yourself as a lover.

"There is only one reason why you hold on to hate. It is because resentment has become a way of life."

Indeed, spoiling your family, plus the liberties they and everyone else take, will always cause resentment that fuels the “falling” into the failing kind of love. It is a vicious cycle.

I pray that you will no longer stay ahead of the guilt of love with more of that foolish love, stubborn in your vow never to be the loving opposite of those unforgiven abusers. It will never work! This folly is what allows dictators and despots of all stripes to flourish. 

For all your sacrifices, you will never have a life of your own, and worse, you will tend to project blame onto those on whom you have lavished that self-serving affection. Later you will turn that anger inward.

There is another guilt here. Since only God can forgive, you dare not spend your life trying to redeem yourself in the eyes of others. Do not forgive or even condemn yourself, because all such willful efforts will really do you in.

To wallow in feelings of love also harbors contempt toward a love object. Rage is central to those judgments that turn the guilt of it into those psychotic delusions of grandeur.

This is the reason why it is so difficult to give up resentment-based judgment, let alone ever face the reality of it.

There surely are dyed-in-the-wool wicked people, who, being devoid of conscience, are also addicted to the glorious rush of life. Such as these can go on degrading and killing the innocent, without qualms.

They delude themselves by thinking they are doing God a favor, as with Muslim terrorists. Because all subhumans are without conflict, there is no mingling of pure intent with the poisonous one, as with those who are noble.

It is possible to save only those blessed to suffer from the pangs of conscience.