Emotional troubles originate in the formative years. Some form of family cruelty or disappointment determined your entire future. Certain reactions to look-alike people, places and things act as an unbroken chain that reinforce the past, which in turn compound the present. 

Become aware of any person, place or thing that arouses any irritation, frustration or pressure by its mere presence. It is critical to healing that you notice any person or pressure that intimidates you to the point of obligation, people you cannot refuse. Watch those feelings in your solar plexus and make no decisions until they pass. Resentment establishes problems, and continued resentments reinforce them. Your particular formative experience has charged all familiar environments with a strange kind of energy, affecting no one but you.

The mere presence of a man wearing a belt buckle similar to one your father beat you with confers to him the image of your brutal father. For a young man approaching puberty, the evidence of mother’s overbearing presence might well be the stimulating presence of her or any female’s underwear. In the same way that the governing majesty is passed down from a dying monarch to his heir, so passes the subtle domineering spirit from mother to daughter. As much as it is convenient to believe that wimpy and violent fathers are the primary destructive family influence, it is not quite so. This should not be interpreted as being critical of women. A spiritual inheritance, of sorts, compels most women to enable needy men. The passive and violent man’s problem lies in his failing to understand a woman’s need, forcing her into a destructive role. 

The affection for any fault (food, sex, alcohol) intensify the conflicts that cry out for more fault? The folly of most men is that they crave what kills them. The woman’s problem lies in her response to needy men. Women respect and experience love only from men they cannot control and those who do not have that unhealthy, destructive need. 

Male tyranny can also be inherited. Violence toward girlfriends and wives is more often rebellion against mother’s formative nurturing, a nurturing that turned poison. Unmanly rage conditions children to duplicate and take refuge in the family’s strife. This dark confusion is often headed by the enabling mother and an absent, confused father. The behavior of such a man is disgraceful. His overreaction to everything empowers the wrong in mother to exert her influence over her brood of feminized or rebellious boys.

Most mothers cannot help but violate their sons, while unconsciously passing to their daughters the mantle of (perhaps) unwanted power. As this power subtly passes from mother to daughter it tends to violate the son, fixating them to a lifelong need-hate struggle with women. Ideally, mother may exercise appropriate authority over her sons, but only when she is respectfully bonded to a decent husband.Most mothers cannot help but violate their sons, while unconsciously passing to their daughters the mantle of (perhaps) unwanted power.

As this power subtly passes from mother to daughter it tends to violate the son, fixating them to a lifelong need-hate struggle with women. Ideally, mother may exercise appropriate authority over her sons, but only when she is respectfully bonded to a decent husband.

All the problems that men have with their girlfriends and wives compound problems set in motion through mothers, triggered by the failure of fathers. There is a vicious cycle here, not unlike the power of the pusher, conferred to him by the drug addict’s need for power. Sex should not be the problem any more than food ought to be to the obese. The curse lies in the taint of the natural appetite, so deeply imprinted that it draws out the worst in both men and women.Like Typhoid Mary, women who carry the infection of original sin are oblivious to its effect on their families. Men are contemptible because they lack a certain moral high ground. This is why relationships degrade into domestic warfare. 

"you must first find and then

give yourself to God’s love."

Like the homing salmon, our birth trauma compels us to seek union at the place of our spawning. Descended from God’s love, the souls of men default to women’s love. Man has two origins, the one he fell from and the one he fell to. Until the taint is removed by grace, loving and being loved degenerates into violating and being violated, otherwise known as the love-hate relationship. Both men and women experience friction within their conscience for which there are no pharmaceutical cures.. The conflict between what we’re becoming and our heavenly potential is a constant anxiety to us.

Our inordinate need, we it call love, overrides the law of our hearts. Jesus said, "He who loves his father, mother, children or wife more than me is not worthy of the kingdom." Failing this standard is why men are unable to protect their families from the evils of the world.The human race descended from a higher order of beings. We eventually discovered this fact by way of our sufferings. That is why it is imperative to question our loyalties and our affections. Does that mean you should become cold and uncaring? Of course not. It means you must first find and then give yourself to God’s love. 

All your life you have given too much and enslaved yourself to others, thinking that to be love. The truth is you cannot love others until it is the extension of His love in you. Until your love for others is tempered by grace, you will not find the peace you seek. You cannot continuously be shaped and sustained by worldly love and expect not to have conflict. 

Choose now between peace with the world and war with your self. Conversely, you can have peace with your self, but you will find war with the world. The choice is not between good and evil as much as it is simply the yearning to be saved from Adam's legacy of hell on earth. When the masses seek security, ignorant of their heritage and origin, they will always call up the betrayer to serve and enslave them.Remember, you did not choose the mortal servitude into which you were born.

Your choice now is the unused salvation from the inheritance of Adam’s choice. What he rejected is yours for the asking. So perhaps it is not you who cry out for that unholy comfort. It may not be you who is addicted and self-destructive. It is, perhaps, an ancient programming drawing you back again and again to the scene of a crime. You are completing your false self from the source all suffering.

Happily, marriage is also the place of rediscovery and opportunity for man and woman to love one another with a transcendent love, quite unlike the love that brought them together. Only a pure intent can separate one from the other. Only a pure intent is blessed to see that you were merely a vehicle; your guilt was to excuse and deny. By identifying with the not-you, you shared its eternal judgment. You, perhaps, believed that God would not forgive you. Now comes the blessed dawning of reality, bringing with it hope and a new future. Emotions have always lied and deceived you. In your naiveté, you made the classic mistake of believing what your thoughts and feelings told you. You doubted your common sense (faith).

Now, stand back from your thoughts, take strength as you rise above the prison of imagination and begin to see all things new. Keep in mind the key. You must starve the root of fear and doubt through forgiveness. Neutralize those sustaining resentments, daily. 

May you find ineffable joy in this revelation? May God become the founder of your new being, and may you find eternal life in Him.