You do not have free will the way you think. The proclivity to respond to cruel masters comes preconditioned from birth—inherited.
Christians call this “born in sin.” No human since Adam has had the choice of good and evil; for us, there is only one way to salvation from the bondage that we all inherited from the first man’s choice.
Our individual righteousness can never be good enough.
Therefore, conflicts and anxieties, accompanied by various sufferings, will continue to bring you to your knees; yet, think of this pain as a good thing. As the first human, you would have made the same mistake as Adam, who lost his bright nature.
Your choice is more merciful, not as much a choice, as the salvation from (the original) one.
New Year’s resolutions never work, because, as you will eventually discover, a puppeteer is pulling the strings of your mind. The Apostle Paul realized it was sin at home inside him.
So, do as he did, claim Christ’s forgiveness now and pay it forward to others—endure affliction patiently while standing firm in unswerving loyalty to what is right in your heart.
“do as he did, claim Christ’s forgiveness now and pay it forward to others”
As you make this journey into the will of the Light, understand two important principles. First, become aware of any resentful resistance to correction, especially from conscience, for it has always been your friend and never your enemy.
Second, see resentment as the handmaiden of a legion of judgments. It was resentment that opened the door of your mind and allowed the unforgiving seed to enter, which having no life of its own, began to feed on your failings as well as the downfall of others.
From now on, errant behaviors are no longer excusable, because, from man’s beginning, the excuse has been the friend of the fiend, with enablers more deadly than a serpent’s poison.
Think of the damage you could prevent if only you could admit your own wrong and stand up patiently to the faults of others.
You will find meaning only when suffering becomes a heartfelt search.
Frustration shall rule, until the conflict from foolish dreams causes salvation’s inward cry.