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SURVIVING THE COMFORT ZONE

by Roy Masters







Edited by Dorothy Baker

 


   Contents line

Introduction ....................................................................
1. Users: The Hate that Masquerades as Love .................
2. She Stoops to Conquer ...............................................
3. To Serve is to Rule ......................................................
4. Another Round in the Battle of the Sexes.....................
5. The Altered Man: Prisoner of Trauma .........................
6. The Spirit of the Lie .....................................................
7. How to Break Free from Your Problems........................
8. Its Time to Hang Up Your Hang-Ups ............................
9. Stress: Get Ready to Live Without It .............................
10. How Emotion Enslaves Us to OurComforters .............
11. Drugs: The Penultimate Comforter (Just before Death)
12. The Wicked Loving Father ........................................
13. What Price Friends? ..................................................
14. Coping With Manipulation .........................................
15. Our Fascination with Falling.......................................
16. How Compensations Lead to Death, the "Comforter"
Epilogue ........................................................................
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Introduction


     LOVE. It is one of the most commonly used words in the English language—and one of the most powerful. From childhood we yearn for love because it holds such great promise of happiness, fulfillment, and permanence. As we get older, the popular culture tells us "love is all you need," but we soon learn the "needing" never really stops. The emptiness in our lives that we keep trying to fill never really gets filled, not by spouse, lover, friend, career, possession, pet, or whatever else weturn to for comfort.
     Sometimes, we think we've found something that will make us happy, but then the pain of longing comes back stronger than ever. No matter what we do, the "hot and cold" moods of desire and frustration seem to haunt us, until we start to think it's the normal way to be. But we know it's not.
     The braver ones of us can face this, and start looking for real answers, but most people try to soothe the pain any way they can. And there are plenty of people ready to help—for a price. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes are the usual methods, but for all the public focus on these, there are more common escapes—possibly more dangerous— like movies and television, sex, or even music if used the wrong way. And when it comes to surviving the comfort zone, there is no greater temptation than food.

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     All these things supply love—not true love, but a kind of comfort love, or ego support. We are vulnerable to this substitute for the real thing because most of us don't know what the real thing is. So, we reach out for what's available. And we're miserable.
     After years of pain, however, more and more people are starting to realize there's something wrong with what is commonly called "love." Family lives that are supposed to be filled with love are often living nightmares that leave children feeling helpless, fearful, and alone in the world. Fathers and mothers have forgotten who they are—to their children and to each other. Most marriages have more to do with sex than love, and so, the divorce rate skyrockets.
     After years of following the popular culture, people are lost, and growing numbers are desperate to understand where they went wrong. Today's youth, increasingly damaged by premature sexual relationships and misguided attitudes, are quietly asking themselves, "If this is love, why does it feel like dying?"
     Anyone who hungers for answers to that question may find it within these pages.

—Robert Just




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Users:
The Hate that Masquerades as Love
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     We use the word "love" to refer to two distinctly different emotions, although most of us are completely unaware of the distinction between pure love and the impostor for the simple reason that the impostor "love" is the only love we have ever known.
     For love to be pure, of course, it can not be adulterated by any emotion or consideration of advantage on the part of the bestower. It is the love I frequently refer to as "not hate"; for strictly speaking, pure love is not an emotion at all. It is simply a selfless obedience to God's will, to what we intuitively know to be the right thing to do. Pure love would be impossible for an atheist to experience, depending as it does on complete submission to an authority higher than our own egos. This phenomenon (I can hardly call it an emotion) of pure love, rarely as it is to be encountered in our materialistic society, is nevertheless the very modus operandi of the pure in heart,

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of those who have arrived at the state of objectivity that I hope to guide all of you to through the meditation exercise.
     In the meantime, let's take a closer look at the love that grows out of hate (resentment). Strangely enough, the very situation that calls out for love also evokes and serves to justify the reaction of hate in those who have never known real love. All the situations that "try men's souls" are "trying" or challenging only because we have no love with which to meet them.
     The "love" we have grown up on, the only love most of us have ever known, is a love that grew out of hate. Needless to say, such love is always false, violent, violating, and destructive. And it is the love that passes from one generation to the next through the failure of our parents, and of their parents before them, to resist the temptation to hate. Once we give in to the pull of resentment, we cut ourselves off from the true ground of our being, and pride rushes in to support and transform us.
     This new self, feeling the pain and guilt of its separation from God, must now turn to its new god for comfort, to the loveless, impatient spirit of the man or woman who corrupted it. That is why all men are literally looking for their mothers in their wives; and all women seek their fathers in their husbands. There is no escape. They can be attracted only to those persons in whom they can find the familiar spirit of their parents.
     Once the transformation has taken place, the changeling is forced to resolve its conflict with God in Pride's way; that is, by rejecting any lingering guilt for having strayed from God's truth through reaching out to "people" truth and its emotion-sustaining false love.
     When we resent a parent, we create within ourselves a need for that parent's acceptance; and we need that acceptance, not only from the actual parent, but also from the parent equivalent we have found in the husband, wife, friend/fiend, or dope pusher. While true love is a crying out for the nurturing

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source of creation, false love is a crying need for the source of its corruption. The displaced identity cries out for the embrace of the very hell that caused it to come into existence through hatred.
     An unloved woman loves out of guilt or hate, and she expresses that love for her family by supporting them in their weakness and thus spoiling them to death. She falls all over herself to please a man in order to conceal and soothe the secret loathing she feels for all men. She services his need in order to service her own need to judge. A large part of this hatred of all men does not grow out of a woman's own experience, but is an inheritance from her mother. A girl child soon learns to hate her father because her mother hates him. She simply feels what her mother feels because she is bonded to her mother in such a way that she feels what her mother feels for her husband. In this way, all women unconsciously inherit contempt for all men, and they "love" them in order to bring them down to a level where their pride can feed on them and grow fat with hate and judgment. Thus, we humans persist in violating one another, not only through overt hatred, but through the covert form of it that we foolishly call "love."
     Man, as Scripture records, was seduced originally by a sympathetic love for his rebellious ego; and to this day, man is addicted to supportive love to kill the anxiety he would otherwise feel over what he has become through "love." Woman, on the other hand, seduced by the promise of an ungodly power, has used it to feed her resentment of all the men in her life, beginning with her father, who have broken their covenant with God and have come down to need her. In other words, a woman knows that she must betray a man with phony, ego-stroking "love" in order to gain his acceptance; and men can't help but betray the women in their lives because they have fallen from the allegiance to God that would have guaranteed their allegiance to real love.
     Man's craven need to use woman in the name of "love" in order to complete his ego identity has caused him to become

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addicted to the false, lying love of a woman. But this craven need to use is actually a misdirected cry for God, and when woman answers the cry, she becomes the dominant "creative" power in the relationship. The ego/pride in man born of woman cries out to its origin to be nurtured. Little does the male child, the changeling, realize what he is calling out to in the agony of his need. It is the dark side of woman that was present in Eve on the day she fled the garden. This dark principle has survived her flesh to soothe and nurture the generations of fallen men who, by love, continue to fall again and again, only to become the objects of her hate, forced by guilt to masquerade as love. This condescending love, based on contempt, is the only love most women have ever known.
     So it has come to pass that while man comes down to evolve his pride through the process of falling in "love," woman, being corrupted by her judgment (hatred) of man's need, falls in hate and becomes addicted to loving men as an escape from desolation, despair, emptiness, and loneliness of soul—perhaps also out of a need for revenge, draining man of power to get back at him for his use of her. Thus "loving" destroys man and woman alike. Woman fixes her need for loathing by fixing man's need for loving. Hers is a judgment fix; his is a love fix.
     While man was seduced originally by the understanding and compassionate Eve, and while he still seeks her out to spoil him rotten with reinforcing sex, man can also be corrupted by the hatred he feels toward emerging female dominance.
     The first rage a man feels is toward his father, either for his not having been man enough to stand up to his mother, or for the excessive force he used to have his way with her. Like the female child, the male child feels what all women feel toward all husbands. It is the sin of unconscious hate for his father that not only separates him from the true ground of his male identity, but also makes it impossible for him ever to find God again.
     In other words, by rejecting the father he can see, he also rejects the Father that he cannot see. In the process, he also

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rejects his own true identity. Now, by hating his father, he unconsciously accepts his mother's nature and sets himself up to need a woman's love in order to complete and reaffirm the identity she has given him. It is his reaching out for love that puts pressure on every woman in his life to give him the kind of love that will destroy them both in the end.
     Resentment toward the father has a somewhat different effect on the female child. Where the male child becomes love-needful, the female child becomes hate-needful. She becomes a man hater and man eater, provoking and teasing for real love and becoming resentful and frustrated by the unhealthy sex attention men give her in its place. The contempt she feels satisfies her ego need to judge, but the guilt of that judgment sets her up to allow herself to be used. She then proceeds to indulge herself in hating the user. While killing whatever might have been lying dormant of the man's original God-given identity, the dark spirit in her munches on his remains.
     Women tend to select weak, wimpy, or violent men as mates, since both extremes embody the particular failing she needs for the evolution of the pride that entered her through hate, via man's fall from original love. But false love, the one that rises out of hate through guilt (the one mother feels for father) is the only "love" most women have ever known, hate having separated them once and for all from realizing the painful truth about such love. Because love and truth are one, to lose one is to lose the other. Female love is the font from which all men drink themselves into a drunken stupor, so that they too become separated from the knowledge of truth.
     Fallen men continue to see women as the source of love and worship. They look to the female body for the renewal of their fallen spirits. Their egos tell them that "this must be love because it feels so good"; but in the fullness of time, the friction that is bound to flare up between "users" may wake man to the truth of his fallen condition, if he will only listen.

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     The hate/love relationship between man and woman has a counterpart in the relationship between the addict and the pusher. The addict, like the man, has the illusion that he is coming into his kingdom, whereas he is slowly becoming a derelict and a pauper. And just as the pusher depends on the addict's downfall for his livelihood, the woman exploits man's inherent weakness to feed her own unconscious habit, her love of hate. And just as the addict is dependent on the pusher for the illusion of power, so is the pusher dependent on the addict for actual power. Of such is the kingdom of hell.
     Men make women into hags to feed in them a hunger that can never be satisfied. And the women changelings, hags, feel falsely secure in their hate. Out of the contempt such women feel comes hell's love. Men and women can not live with each other or without each other, for each has built his false identity on the destruction of the other. Wretched man-eaters and woman-eaters that we are, only God, through the love of His son, can save us.
     Hate is the emotion that supports the judgment side of pride, while "love" soothes the pain of the hate and supports the Godsupplanting side of pride. All imitators of God reserve to themselves the power and rights of God. In a perverse way we are all kings and judges. To play god, our pride needs a patsy whose ego can be puffed up to such a ridiculous size that it practically asks to be judged, and we are all too glad to oblige. The feelings of omnipotence conjured up by "love" spring from a lie, but so does the hate that follows; for when we see how the loves we have called upon have betrayed, enslaved, and enfeebled us, we hate and judge in order to avoid facing the truth.
     The fallen ego, in its rebellion against God to be its own god, is sustained by two emotions: we call one of them "love" (it isn't) and the other "hate" (more accurately, resentment). And the love that rises out of resentment can never really get off the ground, but flops back and forth endlessly between the "love" that is hate and the hate that is hate. In the coupling of

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two egos, neither one can ever emerge a winner, for the pride they both serve leads inevitably to anxiety, guilt, violence, mental illness, all manner of tragedy, and ultimately, death.
     Love spawned of hate is the emotion of selfishness, and it sustains every vile quirk of our personality—everything that has gone wrong with us since our first flash of resentment opened the door to pride, the corrupter. As long as we have a "lover," we have a "savior," and what he or she saves us from is the ordeal of facing ourselves as we are, and repenting of what we see in the mirror of truth.
     The movies have made popular a definition of love as "never having to say you're sorry," but that kind of love is a lie. It leads to the loathing that leads to the need for "loving" that leads to the need for loathing, again and again, until loving and loathing are seen to be one and the same. Destination: death.
     "Love" consoles its prey, and it accomplishes its deception through the emotional involvement of its victim. How can a fallen ego possibly avoid falling in love with the tempter to whom all its obvious faults are acceptable and "only natural"? In this context, falling in love is a glorious escape from the truth and the pain of repentance, which is the price we must pay for true salvation. As long as we are willing to lap up the lie that all our flaws of character are normal and natural, we fail to question our false belief systems, and thus we sink ever deeper into the quagmire of emotion, "safe" from the astringent demands of reality.
     Adam doubted God and became wrong, and then he needed Eve to help him doubt that he was wrong for having doubted God. And just in case he really was wrong, he needed her to blame, not only for that but for anything else that might go wrong in their lives. What a neat trick! How easy it is to preserve an air of innocence when there is someone around to blame for every mishap. Our unwillingness to admit that we are wrong leads us to project our wrong onto the innocent; and they, perceiving the injustice of our accusation, are tempted to

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hate, thus falling to sin—innocent no more. Once we learn this easy way to project guilt, we become addicted to blaming others in order to free ourselves from the redeeming pain of conscience and go on our merry, wicked way.
     By now, my women readers must see how important it is for them to forgive their fathers and husbands for their weakness, for by loathing male needfulness women turn their backs on innocence and begin to operate entirely from the dark side of their psyche. How many more generations of proud, hate-based mutants can this country assimilate and still call itself the land of the free? It also behooves my men readers to take a good look at their propensity for being attracted to women who loathe them.
     A man should not look on his marriage license as an open sesame to unlimited sex. He should forbear to touch his wife at all if he sees that she is reacting strangely to his advances. Obviously, such a woman has a problem where sex is concerned. She may have been raped or molested by her father or some other member of the family; somehow, she has come to associate sex with abusive use, and she will hate any man for using her selfishly, even if you are not (which is highly unlikely). If you lack the patience to wait until the problem can be resolved through your joint efforts, but persist in forcing the issue, any "love" she gives you from that point on will be based on hate. Out of her hatred for all mankind she will be obligated to submit to sexual abuse in order to feed her need to judge—to be powerful, omnipotent. Remember that the ego need of a woman who has been violated has come into existence through the cruelty of men. Or through her father's failing to be there for her and thus save her from her mother. All women share a resentment for the weak men who attract them and who serve as food for their judgment.
     Let us all beware the love that has its roots in resentment.

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