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Doing all the Right Things for all the Wrong Reasons

by Roy Masters

No one can save himself. Your implanted ego will always try to trick you into controlling the outcome of everything. Consider, therefore, that when things go wrong, it might have been the result of doing the right things for the wrong reasons.

How is it that in keeping the peace and trying to make someone happy you succeeded only in duplicating the tyranny of your own miserable childhood? Experience should have already demonstrated that all your people-pleasing love falls short of the desired mark. How much more suffering will it take to get you to understand all the implications of doing the right things for the wrong reasons? If we understand this we may be able to avoid the coming apocalypse.

Tragedy always begins in small, unnoticeable ways. We all tend to compensate with material things for our lack of real love for our families and others. The following list is but a few of the right things done for the wrong reasons:

bulletYou give your kids lots of stuff to assure they don't suffer the way you did.
bulletYou take a girl to dinner for more than a meal.
bulletYou buy gifts to keep from being embarrassed, knowing they will send you one.
bulletYou baby-sit out of obligation for fear of losing a friendship.
bulletYou give compliments to manipulate others for what you want.
bulletYou give a big tip to the waiter to impress your friends.
bulletYou care for a sick parent out of the guilt of resenting them.
bulletYou apologize when you are not sorry.
bulletYou're proud of your kids who achieve out of pressure.
bulletYou drive your spouse into another's arms with an inordinate need you thought was love.

Clara Harris gets 20 years in prison for killing her good-for-nothing husband in a fit of passion, while an appeasing cowering world, conditioned to please bullies, "forgives" a despicable Arab tyrant for systematically slaughtering over one million innocent people. There are reasons why tyrants, domestic and political, always ascend to the thrones of power. They all make use of a compulsive servitude the masses think of as love, (serving wrong for wrong reasons.)

On a bombing mission over Germany during World War II, an American pilot was shot out of the sky as he returned from his 18th bomber mission. He and his crew plummeted to the earth in flames. He squeezed out of a cockpit window, but his crew burned to death before his eyes. Sadly, this noble man of valor was broken by his heroic war efforts. Forty-six years later, he remains in agony from his crash experience. The reason was that he did the right thing in helping defeat Hitler, but for all the wrong reasons.

Let us look into the background of this typical victim, to gain some insight into the reasons why our own acts of kindness often explode in our faces, hopelessly complicating any errant behaviors.

Like many who come from abusive homes, our war hero had a serious problem of never being able to please his abusive father. With World War II came the opportunity to express his repressed hostility. War sometimes allows the soldier to vent violent behavior. With this fine man, it became a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it was an opportunity to do the right thing. On the other hand, he used a legitimate opportunity to express hidden, negative emotions. Two conflicting forces were at work in this man. The atrocities of Adolf Hitler allowed for the right patriotic expression, but with the wrong energy, a rage similar to that which gang members vent against society.

Rage drove Captain Ahab to seek and destroy the great white whale while dragging his crew with him to their deaths. Of course, the whale was not the evil, as were the Nazis. Therefore, the Germans became the bomber pilot's great white whale, and so upon them he vented the unresolved guilt and rage toward his father.

The problem with the war hero venting his anger is that he never cured his guilt. It merely intensified the basic conflict as it undermined his patriotism. His false patriotism became a more horrible guilt that eventually caught up with him. Not going down with his crew resulted in all the piled-up hated and unforgiveness towards his father turning back upon him as self-condemnation. A variation of such fates awaits all those who do the right things for the wrong reasons.

How many times have you heard of a decent, super responsible, hard-working family man take his life for no apparent rhyme or reason? The chorus of refrain is invariably the same. "He was such a wonderful father, everyone loved him. His children adored him, and he gave himself endlessly and unselfishly to everyone." Such false character building and self-deception is so perfect that the mysterious reason for the suicide of apparently decent men and women descend with them into their graves.

Most of us are born into an emotional climate of deceptive goodness or outright cruelty that has little tolerance for the innocence of true love. At the risk of a knee-jerk rejection from you, allow me to draw aside the veil to reveal what could be a dangerous observation. With due deliberation and consideration, it may well save your life.

The love with which we are most familiar is the counterfeit one, associated with lots of feelings. This feeling love is both self-deceiving and deceitful. It is not easy to perceive the truth of it because emotions blind you. False love awakens from the pit of the unconscious, the guilt of repressed resentment and judgment toward weak and abusive parents. Abused children usually are familiar with no other kind. Resentment introduces a peculiar vision and a distorted worldview. Here, enemies will arise as feelings nurture fiends and the true love of real friends begins to feel threatening.

For those of us who are unconsciously afflicted, it is far too painful to see that the only love we have ever known is this hateful, lustful, tyrannical enslavement. Such devotion draws us to the wrong kind of people who cannot help but betray. The betrayal morphs into rage, feeding the established childhood root-need for delusional love. Love, frustrated and rejected, repeatedly becomes rage. Rage builds upon the unfinished business of parental judgments. Judgment then turns into guilt, insecurity and low self-esteem. From that it becomes a terribly agonizing kindness, bound for a tragic outcome.

A legacy of degradation brings misfortune in two ways. Resentment opens the door of the unconscious and transfers to you the identity of the abuser. At the very same moment, this empowers the abuser with your life force. There is a two-fold guilt here, one for serving tyrants, the other for becoming like them. Family strife slowly but surely can transform you into a changeling. At first, you may become a cringing, pleasing clone-servant of your oppressor. No matter how much you try, it is impossible to placate bullies. They advance their cause only through intimidation and, hence, your guilt. Therefore, the simmering, loathing love toward them intensifies into all the agonies of conscience.

The only other alternative is to repress your anger and take it out at some opportune time, which becomes the other guilt. By taking your frustration out on the innocent, you are again heaping guilt because the rush of power is identical to what you gave up to your own oppressor. Feeding their identity within, you realize that slowly but surely you are turning into what you feared you might become. You have tried to stay ahead of that imperfection through mere outward appearances, serving all the wrong people, even the wrong in the good ones. Eventually, when all the good backfires, you are bound to end up in a pickle, similar, perhaps, to the valiant bomber pilot.

There is only one reason why you hold on to hate. It is because resentment has become a way of life. Hate becomes an essential ingredient to an existence based on the only kind of love you have ever known, or perhaps ever want to know. If you were to not act out this fake love and receive approval, it would expose a pain of intolerable guilt. To love and expect love in return is an insatiable need, even if it is from a tyrant.

The servility of kindness nurtures the beast of contempt in everyone, including your family. You might argue that adoring families are not tyrants, but they are. You make them so, because spoiling makes them to do less for themselves that frustrates you into doing more for them. You can break the vicious cycle only by giving up the frustration of resentment. If this failing love is derived solely from the guilt of hate, then it becomes necessary to keep on hating in order to go on loving. If this is true, then you must face this painful fact and not resent seeing it. Then you will be free.

Again, if the only way that you can love is out of resentment, then such love will always need resentment in order for you to go on deceiving yourself as a lover. Indeed, spoiling your family, plus the liberties they and everyone else takes, will always cause resentment that fuels the falling into a failing kind of love. It is a vicious cycle. I pray that you will no longer stay ahead of the guilt of love with more of that foolish love, stubborn in your vow to be the loving opposite of those unforgiven abusers. It will never work! This folly is what allows dictators and despots of all stripes to flourish.

For all your sacrifices, you will never have a life of your own, and worse, you will tend to project blame on those on whom you have lavished that self-serving affection. Later, you will turn that anger inward. The bomber pilot probably blamed his country, then, perhaps realizing the horror of it, turned all his anger inward. Consequently, from the depths of his despair he could never forgive himself.

There is more guilt here. Since only God can forgive, you dare not spend your life trying to redeem yourself in the eyes of others. Do not forgive or even condemn yourself because all such willful efforts will really do you in.

To wallow in feelings of love also harbors contempt toward a love object. Rage is central to those judgments that turn the guilt of it into those psychotic delusions of grandeur. This is the reason why it is so difficult to give up resentment-based judgment, let alone ever face the reality of it.

There surely are dyed-in-the-wool wicked people, who, being devoid of conscience, are also addicted to the glorious rush of life. Deviates such as these can go on degrading and killing the innocent, without qualms. They delude themselves by thinking they are doing God a favor, as with Muslim terrorists. Because all sub-humans are without conflict, there is no mingling of pure intent with the poisonous one, as with those who are noble. It is possible to save only those blessed to suffer from the pangs of conscience.

The gentle giant syndrome

A young, powerfully built man came to me for help. He had once almost killed a man in a fit of uncontrollable rage. The realization of what could have happened caused him to suppress resentment and turned him into a timid giant. Tied down emotionally and tormented by cowardly "Lilliputians", who, perceiving his weakness and expecting no consequences, took perverse delight in making his life more miserable. That old trauma that made him into an appeaser compounded the very conditions he was trying to avoid. In much the same way, many of us appease through being too nice.

The real nature of resentment

Resentment changes all game plans. The consequence of being upset results in too much, or too little force. Either extreme leads to predictable tragedy. Here again is another variation of the valiant bomber pilot's dilemma. Politically speaking, the inherent appeasement of parental tyrants is the motivation behind the peace movement's embrace of dictators. This has always brought about the very wars that pacifists want to avoid.

The sexual revolution of the '60s bred a generation of demoralized, failing parents. The innocence of succeeding generations, destroyed through the left wing politics of media and education lead to violent discontent toward their country as if the nation were a stand-in parent.

Race baiting, welfare, broken homes and absent fathers have decimated the self-worth and future of millions of young people. Many rebelled against their parents and country, whose heritage of Judeo-Christian values had become plastic and enfeeble. Many transferred their loyalties to what seemed opposite, strong and supportive of their hostility.

Other groups formed into the gentle giant peace groups, similarly sympathetic to America's enemies. Their representatives in Congress imposed excessive taxation to appease America's enemies. The contempt the world now feels toward us is not so much for our overt evils, although there is some of that; rather, it is for the hate in our hearts that we have toward one another. Our policies sought love in all the wrong nations. The United Nations tormentors are exploiting this very weakness.

Needless war, suffering and tragedy are the same in the macrocosm as they are in the microcosm. Unconscious compensations for individual moral failings give rise to those craving delusions of worth. The exploitation of this spiritual pathology perpetuates the search for peace with all the wrong nations. The sovereignty of individuals is a sacred, divine safeguard to the sovereign collective of the United States. It is impossible for good to come out of anger.

As pointed out earlier, repressed rage is two sided, and either one empowers tyranny. Most people will be tempted to take advantage, not because they are necessarily tyrants, but because you give them a perception and an appreciation of what appears to be graciousness. Fear of being hurt aids and abets the false belief in your own worth. In this manner, you are complicit in manipulating others into deceiving them and then have the gall to judge them for using you. Your life's energies are wasted.

Realize it or not, doing the right things for all the wrong reasons is always self-serving, destructive and the deadly complication of your buried hatreds. In case you missed the point, let me make this perfectly clear. Hostility is a sin and that is why there is guilt. Hostility, being the handmaiden of judgment, separates you from your inborn sovereignty, along with its modifying influence over emotions and life's purpose. Resentment binds you over to an existence of servitude, thinking to prevent violence only to cause more.

The violent good comes into play when you vent your spleen in the guise of correcting your wife and children, or going to war and killing the enemy as you might your father. Future tragedy lies ahead unless, of course, you find the truth that will set you free. Therefore, whenever you become upset, speak up, and perhaps act out for a good cause with the wrong energy, it will always have a deleterious effect. When you are upset and sit in silent consent or judgment that too is guilt, the sin of omission. The stage is set. The script is written for the last tragic scene.

Whenever you are upset, you can do nothing right. On the other hand, when you are calm and centered, you can do nothing wrong. If you find yourself condemned by others, it will be for your noble character, so endure it patiently.

Do not take things so personally. Fearlessly speak your mind. Take appropriate action and you shall never suffer anxiety or depression. In fact, the cure of your past and the blessings of the future lie in dealing perfectly in the present with imperfect people.

Try to imagine the silent agony of a man decorated for bravery beyond the call of duty, whose motivation was the hatred of his father!

At some point, your suffering may no longer be the fault of the world, your father, your mother or that molesting cad of a brother. Can you lift yourself up by your bootstraps, surely you cannot? Take heart, all is not lost. It was only the way we all go about saving ourselves, that is hopeless.

What profits a man if he gains the admiration of the whole world and loses his own soul?

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