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Aroused by Fire...
"Please tell me why"

Dear Roy,

A couple of years ago I used to be a regular listener to your radio program, but they took it off. Since that time, I have continued getting your monthly newsletter. While some of the material therein has been of interest and helpful to me, nothing has ever impacted me like your latest article about how childhood abuse is the cause of homosexuality. While the article was not directly applicable to me, many things discussed therein concerning abuse and how it affects us later in life were right on target. I admit that it dredged up a lot of old memories, bringing me to an emotionally upset state, even crying for a while. However, it also answered some mysteries about me that, until now, I have not understood.

Off and on, when I was little, I was sexually molested and physically abused by a young man. As far as sexual stuff, there was some, but not much. Rather, this guy used to like to go to remote locations in the woods, hitting me with straps and paddles, and having me do the same thing to him. In many of these episodes, he would bring candles, having me burn him with hot wax. He also would have me stare at the flames, trying to hypnotize me. He said he was never able to do it, but now, years later, with my limited understanding from books on the subject of hypnosis, I believe he was very successful and simply implanted a command to forget. To me, it's the only thing that explains why, when I didn't want to, I nonetheless returned to him whenever he wanted, doing whatever he wanted, being like a slave to him, without any protests whatsoever.
Does this apply to you?
To overcome your conditioning, may we recommend
"Be Still and Know"

While in a psychiatric hospital, many professionals tried to help me, but they never knew what my problem was. I refused to talk in groups. I simply wasn't able to tell anyone about what happened with the young man. While at the hospital, I was allowed home visits, and on one of them when my adoptive parents were out, he came over. This was when I was in my early teens ¾ the last time I ever saw him. He wanted to make sure I hadn't and wasn't ever going to tell anyone, and so he stripped asking me to whip him.

When my sexual identity was fully developed, I had to acknowledge to myself that I was a deviate. I don't think of myself as gay or homosexual, but also not as heterosexual either. The truth of the matter is that except for the abuse when I was little, in my life I have never had any sexual relations with man or woman, nor do I desire to have any. Since then and continuing to this day, the only thing that arouses me is fire. I'm obsessed with fire. It's kind of like the compulsions described in your article. I don't really want to burn to destroy things, but the simple fact of the matter is the only way I can obtain sexual release is to masturbate while watching or thinking about fire ¾ and the bigger the fire the better.

I never could talk about any of the sexual abuse or motivations, and anyhow, all the doctors I saw were only trying to determine whether I knew right from wrong. Nothing has changed with me over years.

Everything I just explained to you will hopefully give you a little insight as to what makes me tick. I have always wanted to know the source of these aberrations and the things you said in your article explained a lot.

However, you link everything to anger at the victimizer, and that to resolve the problem what I need to do is become objective and forgive the victimizer. That's what I don't understand. I'm not angry at him; I don't even think about him except on the rare occasions that I notice somebody who reminds me of him. I'm not sexually attracted to him or look-alikes.

My problem is the fire setting attraction to flames, and though I don't want to be like this, I can't seem to find anyway to change it.

Mr. Masters, is there any information, literature, or books you could send me that might provide more insight into what the shrinks call pyromania? Could you also give me your thoughts, opinion, etc., on the situation, and any suggestions you might have about how to "unwire" myself from this fatal attraction to fire?

I appreciate your time and hope to hear something from you at your convenience.

Thanks. Sincerely, Harold

Dear Harold,

Please note that there are two controlling factors present in all traumatic experiences: the violating trauma and the sustaining resentment toward the violator. Resentment towards anything, such as tripping over the cat, will continue to energize resentment-implanted behaviors throughout your life.

Life's hypnotic influences are not as you think. The stage hypnotist or therapist does not need to create a trauma to control the subject, but needs only to transfer to him the role of the original controlling entity. Toxic predators know how to exploit a victim's servility to bring them under their control.

You need to understand that suggestions need not be vocal; they are often implied, and built into the original trauma event. For example: The ugly look and malevolent intent of a cruel father traumatizes his daughter, making her feel violated. He approaches by stroking her hair and giving her compliments. From that day on, any man looking at her reinforces the implied suggestive effects of her father's presence. In a subconscious effort to avoid that reinforcement by way of compliments, she may cut her hair short to make herself unattractive to men. Sensing weakness draws predators like moths to a flame, and persisting with that familiar cruelty will surely cause her to surrender.

Another example: A 50-year-old man with blue eyes molests a 7-year-old girl on a rainy night in the backseat of a red Chevrolet at midnight. From that day forward, any one thing present in the trauma scene can possess the same power as the man who originally changed the course of her life.

In an attempt to bury the horror of the experience, the little girl manages to forget the incident. While the incident is lost to the memory of consciousness, the body, with a mind of its own, remembers and obeys.

One day, a red Chevrolet of the same make and year arrives in front of her house and out steps a man resembling her violator. Immediately, sexual feelings awaken towards him, as though falling in love. Even the red Chevrolet can awaken helpless servility or perhaps a sexual obsession towards possessing red cars, especially if it comes complete with a look-alike driver. Unbelievably, the car, even the color, retains the power of the person.

The sight, smell, and sound of any place or thing, even a person of the same gender, can re-awaken the sexual desire for violation; intensifying the bondage with familiar spirits. The principle is transference.

You are still seeking your corrupter in fire that represents a frustrating substitute for the sexual arousal of his presence. After the sacredness of innocence is corrupted, then sexual desire awakens and can be gratified only perversely. For this reason, you have little interest in normal relations.

Now apply this principle to your situation, and see how fire became the agent of the controlling entity. The young man violated you with fire, and then asked you to do the same thing to him. By this method, he made sure that you would never tell. He made you as guilty for doing to him what he did to you, which accounts for the hypnotic forgetfulness. This also accounts for why fire is the perpetual reinforcement of your conditioning by fire. When there is fire, he is always there. However, there is more.

As a living parasite on your soul, the indwelling deformed identity has a sensual metaphysical need to renew and perpetuate itself through re-creating the circumstance of the corruption experience. First it reconnects by way of your conditioned submissiveness, and second, through your resentful struggle to free yourself. "It," the entity in you, seeks its origin's marching orders from the unholy ghost spirit that acted through your molester. If not him, then a look-alike, and or, the very experience practiced as a ritual to summon up his "nurturing" spirit from beyond fire.

Throughout life, the "it" in you summons up familiar spirits through people, places, and things, searching for love in all the wrong places. Anything or anyone can become a sexually gratifying substitute for the violator's presence. Through those experiences, what might have grown to be a child of light, slowly transforms into a controlling deformed entity with all sorts of objects connected to the past; your link is fire

Moral corruption tends to penetrate to the core of the soul, awakening those perverse sexual loyalties. Natural sex becomes virtually impossible. Eventually, the identity of the violator within displaces the true self and cries for the reinforcing presence of the outside ones.

Whenever you observe a drunk talking to his whisky bottle, he is drawing that frustrating comfort from a nether spirit-friend that lies beyond the drink. Just as there is never enough drink to fight off conscience and fill the void; so it is the same with your frustrated need for perverse fulfillment through bigger fires.

Therefore, it is not you who cries for love in all the wrong places, rather, it is sin that has made a home in you. Of course, you struggle to be free from these chains, but the resentful struggle empowers the alien in the same way on the inside as you lost out to the violator outside. To make you lustful, it teases you to struggle. Resentment (unforgiveness) is the key, the mysterious reinforcing power of lust as if it were love. See that, patiently endure, and soon you will find the kind of love that will set you free.

Therefore my friend, look carefully at your stirrings as you gaze at a fire or when ruminating and playing those dangerous games of imagination. Understand that the false part of you can make fantasy serve as reality in order to live on through you, as if it were you. The fire need only exist in your mind to keep you in chains.

When the awakening comes and you recognize your powerlessness; again watch that resentment towards knowing it - and the Giver of that knowing. The resentment towards the person on the outside was the failing that allowed its nature to get inside. Resent that enslaving entity within and you perpetuate the power it needs to control you.

Be watchful for the resentment towards fire, on the outside as well as the inside of your mind. Stand back and let resentments pass.

Finally, there is a reason why you have not seen your unforgiveness. Resentment is not only the reinforcing factor to all errant behavior; it is also called judgment. Judgment dulls your mind to reality and the redeeming grace of conscience. Resentment focuses and preoccupies the mind outwardly, especially in the form of frustration toward those evolving problems.

Resentment is the mysterious sustaining nature behind all compulsive behaviors - it is the root of your lack of forgiveness.

Through fire, you seek the essence of the man who molested you. Fire alone is able to awaken the sexual impulse, and through it compelling you to act out the perverse worship in self-release.

Then, when the intensity of the moment passes, it invokes the usual dissatisfaction and hate; not much different from people caught up in destructive and enslaving love-hate relationships. The losers in the lie of love turn their judgments towards the beloved, back on themselves, which is why you have never seen those hateful judgments onhim. You see, no lover wants to believe that his or her love was an enslaving lie; so try not being so hard on yourself. One way or another, we all have the same problems.

Hope this helps.

Love, Roy

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