"Know that I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before my day comes, that great and terrible day. He shall turn the hearts of the fathers towards their children and the hearts of children towards their fathers, lest I strike the land with the curse." Malachi 4:5
Where have all the real men gone?
I know many of you ladies are looking for Mr. Right, and perhaps think that you can make such a man over to your specifications with lots of love. I just want you to know that is impossible. Every woman ever born who has tried her hand at that has failed miserably and made herself miserable trying. In order to perfect the imperfect man, you need to be the perfect woman, which of course you are not. What monumental arrogance it is to think you change a man for the better. Little wonder you are drawn to the wrong kind. What you really need, of course, is the kind of man who is noble and self-possessed, someone you cannot own, one you cannot manipulate or control who is independent and not excessively needful of your affections. When you have suffered enough from all those other weaklings and beasts your ego need attracts, please refer back to this manuscript. Meanwhile allow me to make my points. Perhaps I can save you much suffering.
Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not so much about happiness as it is concerned with perfecting an ancient man-woman flaw and dealing with imperfect people perfectly. Marriage is all about becoming perfect. The imperfect self will always attract the imperfect mate, who will have all the unpleasant attributes of one of his parents just the way you do. Both men and women bring into marriage certain inherent flaws in their character that need to be corrected through the patient love of their spouse. Each of us must deal perfectly with the other's imperfections and that is the only way to happiness, here or hereafter.
Every woman is the unloved Eve needing corrective love, while every man is the failing Adam who knows only to give his weakness–lust–as if it were love.
Along with his inordinate sex drive, Adam has a psychic need to be mothered.
This ego need to be mothered puts him in the role of a son, not the man with the loving moral authority to correct his wife's faults. Therefore "mother's" dominance and flaws grow into an inordinate need to be stopped by manly, no-nonsense love. Unfortunately, her need for love is answered by his rage, which awakens the demand for sex.
Whenever any inordinate need is fulfilled, it becomes dependence and a subtle form of slavery that appears to be devotion. A person can become so devotedly addicted that he will submit to abuse for the sake of it. When need is encouraged as love, it becomes dependency. The tyrannical need to be needed is also dependency, dependent on one's victim failing. Men tend to love women with a failing love which women unconsciously encourage, so that loving and being loved becomes enslaving and being enslaved, with two people yoked together in a demoralizing hell.
Tyranny of love
As a teacher and counselor, I can tell you that there is a dangerous tendency on the part of everyone I try to help to set me up to fail, to make me into some kind of God. Troubled people always "fall in love" with the counselor, teacher, psychiatrist, or mentor. What everyone is really seeking, both men and women, is the love of a true father few have ever known. In the purest sense, fathers are God's bureaucrats on earth and ought to represent and validate their offspring's nobler selves. Sadly, most men fall short, not only at being husbands, but also as fathers. The failure to be a husband and respond to a woman's real need results in two extreme behaviors: violence and wimpiness. Both extremes are forms of cruelty to wives and children.
All failure to rise patiently, firmly and lovingly to the occasional need for correction represents a form of cruelty. The shock of seeing an unprincipled, cowardly, wimpy or mean father evokes resentment in all family members.
When a father is cruel, absent and uncaring, children are traumatized and seduced away from their normal spiritual unfolding. The seething rage that children experience towards their father basically does two things. First, resentment separates the child from whom he could be, from the unfolding of his own unique identity; second, it seeds the male-child with a feminized version of manhood. Perhaps you can see from this why even grown men need real fathers to cancel out their implanted feminine side.
Before he has a chance to become a man his feminized implanted identity begins to yearn for its completion from the female birthmother of his ego.
Right here we can see the reason for family breakdown; it is an ego cry of a "son" for mother's validation. With such an inheritance, a man cannot possibly be a man with a woman or a father to his children; there will always be two mothers in that home warring violently for the dominant masculine role of authority. Alas, what emerges from the struggle is a hellish version of heaven, a masculine woman or a violent bestial man with a terrified submissive female. What do they say about insanity? Isn't it doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? So what is it, dear ladies, that drives you to elect and marry the wrong kind of man? It is the programming of your childhood established through resenting your parents.
As violated dispirited children, we are all subconsciously attracted to kindred parental spirits in others, seeking from those projections a validation for our implanted behaviors. This is especially true with a female child, who upon reaching puberty will often trade her warm body for what appears to be the reinforcing love she never received from her father. On the other hand, she might take refuge in mother and acquire her attributes. Most men are incapable of providing real love; they are capable only of lust, a selfish gratification, void of the true father love that was lost to them through their own failing father. We all seem to be compulsively seeking validation from the familiar spirit of childhood trauma; conspicuously missing is the overriding spirit of a noble man.
The female hatred towards a father is projected to all men she will submit to or manipulate seductively or cruelly, seeking the infantile love that she was deprived of in her childhood. Such programmed behavior unconsciously sets up all men to fail her and the next generation.
Politically speaking, there are always a substantial number of people in free societies who are addicted to the affections of a tyrant. A political tyrant is inherently a man, and such a man is always elected to power when a number of violated people grow to become a large enough electorate to vote away their democracy. The majority of these voters will be women setting up male despots to fail the country. It is vital for all of us to understand the dynamic of corruption with respect to the sensual election of the hate object.
At the very same moment a child is corrupted, his spirit is separated from the love for and the love from the unfolding source of the indwelling good.
This transplanted identity begins to cry out for validation of love from its source--the wrong kind of love and affection from the wrong kind of people. In a manner of speaking, corruption is like being born again and growing to need approval from dark Gods. The displaced identity in a young woman will always crave love and seek it in all the wrong places, from the wrong kind of man who always seems to be Mr. Right. It is almost impossible for such a woman to feel comfortable with a decent man who would be good for her.
Inherently only the familiar corrupting spirit of her dad will excite union. So you see, marriage is not about happiness; it is more about discovering true love, overcoming the implanted failings of our parents.
Deep down, most women desire love from a real man, but the indwelling dominant impostor self overrides that healthy yearning for true love and compels her to offer her body to the kind of man who will fail her and feed himself to her. She is now compelled to replicate the misery of her home life and spawn troubled children.
A vicious cycle is involved here. What seems to be a female love offering excites lust, and lust evokes abuse, and abuse feeds the very same hostility that mother felt towards father, refueling her conditioning. As a rule, little girls feel what their mothers felt towards failing fathers. Her hostility now grows so that love can never spring from respect for what is respectable, but instead it is the slavish kind that comes out of guilt and fear, and this form of love offering refuels the lust and abuse from the beast in man. Allow me to say again: the abuse creates hostility; hostility awakens, along with guilt, a sensual feeling of loyalty for the hate object, which again encourages lust and abuse.
Everyone needs love, and where love is unhealthy ego insecurity, it places the beloved in the inferior role. To be the servant of what is good is noble; to become the servant of wickedness is humiliation and enslavement.
Loving others from a good place in your heart is paradise on earth. Loving others out of fear and guilt is a living hell. Most women are confused about the love they need; the love-hate sentiment mothers and daughters feel toward the failing men in their lives translates into a warlike contemptuous resistance to any male authority. I repeat, most men are not prepared for nor are they mature enough to understand, let alone fulfil, the mystical love need of a woman; they are all too busy gratifying their own selfish sexual needs at "mother's" expense. The submissive nature of the love-seeking female tends to promote and nurture the selfish sexual male ego immaturity. While there can indeed be sex with love, it cannot be obtained by a warm body offering of sexual gratification to a weak, needy, limp-wristed "son" or dog of a man. A person does not become a man through sexual experiences alone; he must first be worthy of that honor rather than be made to feel worthy by such "honor," for the latter will always become an insecure slave to hold on to that illusive honor.
Male lust, while at first masquerading as the attentiveness of true love, is eventually seen for what it is: weakness and abuse. At the risk of being redundant, let me say again, anger towards the injustice of lust and abuse only amplifies the original guilt that the child feels towards the father, and intensifies the wrong kind of love for the now abuser boyfriend or husband.
The pain of anger and hatred creates a greater void for love and amplifies the need for the wrong kind of love. This refrain cannot be repeated often enough. So what is the solution? The answer to that question lies in understanding what the problem is. Once the problem is framed and completely understood, the solution will suggest itself, and becomes the cure; you merely need to see what love is not.
Ladies, your resentment towards all men beginning with your father is part of the problem, and that hatred is growing. You are replicating the life of your mother who replicated the life of her mother, all the way back to the unloved, uncorrected Eve. Eve was the vehicle of Adam's failing and has mothered that ego spirit of failing in all men ever since, suffering the consequence of unconsciously killing the goose that could lay the golden egg.
Do you see the problem, how women are compelled to offer ego animal sustaining love, and why the egos of men continue to fall for it in ignorance and in craven need?
Sadly, a woman's growing impatience to be loved not only excites the liberty-taking of the wrong kind of man, but also can entice the right kind of man to press his advantage and fail. If such a fine young man would have the understanding of a woman's real need, he might have been able genuinely and gently to rebuff her pre-nuptial compulsive servitude, and fulfill that need with real love. Unfortunately, in his fallen state with her, his weakness has separated from the good from which such love can spring.
The true need of a good woman is to be rescued from the mean father spirit by way of the noble father spirit embodied in a good man. Every decent woman cries out to be rescued from her private hell. And so the confused, misguided female sabotages herself; tempting for the correction of love, she inadvertently destroys the very man who might have been instrumental in saving her.
When the abuse of relationships becomes too intolerable, a woman will seek affairs with another man, always with the same deadly consequences.
Unfortunately, the problem of seeking love in all the wrong places does not stop with boyfriends and husbands. Next in line is the son who can be set up as a love object in much the same way she has done before with all the boyfriends and husbands alike. And so unconsciously, she sets her own son up to fail, degrading him or spoiling him rotten. Even daughters will run screaming from her grasping clinging love, backfiring into more bitterness and contempt. A daughter too can be substituted for a male child and set up on a pedestal to play the masculine role, responsible for decision-making and mentoring. By projection, a mother can become the submissive child to her own masculine daughter.
"Loving others from a good place in your heart is paradise on earth."
Material things can be substituted to fill an emptiness of being that can never ever be satisfied by anything including drugs and alcohol. Loneliness and bitterness grow along with the demoralizing existence in a desperate bid for love. There is only one more place she can turn after all has failed, and that place is religion. And here is where people like myself are set up to fail. While overtly there may be no external sign of sexual submission with respect to the counselor, it is nevertheless present as an undercurrent of seduction between the minister and the client worshiper. The patient still wants something that the counselor cannot possibly give.
While it may very well be that it is God's love that a woman seeks, unfortunately the counselor rarely has the right directions. The counselor, being a mere man with a pedigree, is set up as all the other men that failed her. Very few men can grasp the subtle twin conflicting needs of the troubled female. Virtue, not a degree, is needed to inspire a woman back to her lost innocence, but where is the man with the strength to resist a helpless wounded dove?
Most counselors in the various mental health professions and religious orders understand very well how vulnerable troubled women are, and how quickly they "fall in love" with a therapist and how difficult it is to shake them loose from any dependency. Not able to find God where he was all along, in their own hearts, some troubled women create their own God by elevating the hated man to a pedestal (eventually knocking him off it). Therefore any man of God or any pedigreed counselor had better beware of being set up to fail. The craving for the good father spirit projects into a love of the minister in a sensual way, a very dangerous temptation to anyone upon whom such authority is conferred.
God haters are father-men haters
God is nearly always perceived as a male authority figure. Once the troubled soul is caught up with the savior person, one of two things will happen. The patient will become addicted and unable to let go of the counselor or the religion, and become increasingly frustrated, agitated and fanatically addicted. The counselor may realize the seriousness of the situation, that he is falling to the patient's judgment, hurting her more than helping.
However, he discovers to his horror that he cannot break free from his own compulsion to continue helping, compensating for his failure to help until he begins to need therapy himself.
It is most difficult to break the patient free from the addiction to the lover-therapist. The patient will feel rejected, betrayed and abused, and more often than not become very vengeful, accusing the lover-therapist of every kind of real and imagined wrong. The counselor can begin to fear for his reputation and for his license to practice. One does not have to be a counselor to understand what is explained here if you have ever tried to help someone and failed. In fact the person who does not want to be helped can manipulate the frustration of your compulsive help and turn you into a basket case. Because of this game playing, many psychologists often become confused and need treatment.
You need not be a counselor to have experienced the "help yourself to the helper" syndrome. Along comes a young lady who seems to be fascinated by your greatness, a wounded dove crying out to be rescued. And in exchange for your gallantry, she rewards you by appeasing all of your sexual appetites. Of course you have helped her in one way, but you have also helped yourself to her in another way. Here she seems to love you and appreciate you all the more. She seems to be perfectly content keeping a smile on your face.
Now you experience phase two. She moves into your apartment or your house and begins to give it the woman's touch, washing your clothes, making your bed, all the while servicing you in it. You begin to believe that at last you have found your soul mate: you seem to have found someone who worships the ground you walk on. And rebelling in this uplifting feeling, you feel so indebted, so secure and happy you decide to reward her worshipful loyalty with materiality and a permanent relationship, and so you get married.
Little do you know that this lady has (also unconsciously) chosen you as a hard-working stiff (you don't know she also sees you as a donkey to serve her needs). No sooner are you married than you find she is never satisfied with anything you do. She may accuse you of not working hard enough and at the same time berate you for not giving her enough time and attention. This is an old trick, the purposeful creation of conflict resolution to drive you to work harder for approval, out of the guilt of resenting her.
And suddenly, off comes the mask and there stands Satan. Ladies, you need not be offended; no doubt you have experienced the same kind of thing with "Mr. Nice." Behold, the servant has become the master and the master has become a slave. You know, of course, that is how you are all going to lose your country. Only amiable political rogues will enter into this kind of intrigue with you. People who have real love won't play games and are never romantic fakes catering to your eager beaver need for worship. Lacking true wholeness, your imperfect need draws on a pedestal and worshipping them in order to get them to complete your (imperfect) soul.
In every marriage, the same principle is secretly at work. Loving and being loved is really a secret war game of power: making love is simply undeclared war, and defeated you awaken too late. Actually there are two seducers, each one maneuvering to make the other dependent on the other's love and hence a slave of it. Just check the divorce statistics, and take note of the fact that one of the partners always emerges into the role of a ruthless abuser. You may well ask yourself, how come those two people who seem to worship each other end up in such a miserable state as despot and slave?
What you are becoming or dealing with is the appeaser, an unholy savior who seems to exist and fulfill some mysterious spiritual need. Every unsavory political equivalent attains power by the same principle, that is through being a crowd appeaser. Such as these promise a glory and happiness that they have no intention of delivering, eventually bringing down entire nations into subservience to them.
Just as women go from one man to another, looking for love in all the wrong places, so will both men and women wander from church to church, one political leader to another, and in the end in frustration, rebel against one religion's political leaders and find comfort in another's. Everyone craves the true spirit of the fallen father. In every situation, instead of finding that true loving spirit, we experience nothing but confusion, treachery, suffering and abuse. Can you see that by setting others up to save us, we also set them up to fail? The search for the spirit of the father figure can end happily by realizing where the truth lies: within. Or, it can end tragically and collectively in the embrace of a political despot.
The collective cry from a nation in crisis for a father figure can call out of hell a strongman dictator.
All psychopaths and sociopath masquerade as the strong charismatic concerned father we all unconsciously need. Alas, when at last we have spent collective longings conditioning one another to slavery through all our failed relationships, there will come the time when we, out of sheer desperation, will surrender our sovereignty to a political form of much needed masculine order. And low and behold, what is true in our personal lives will enslave us in the political: reality; again off comes the mask, this time with no way back. William Penn said it well: "If a man does not find God (the true father spirit) he will be ruled by tyrants."
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